one year

“Don’t worry about it honey, you don’t need to think about it now, you have one year”

Yes, one year. One year for what? I hear you ask! one year to give a solid yes or no as to whether we are going to have a future together. Why? well because he is not getting any younger and his parents will need to know if they are to start looking for a suitable bride for him. I’m not going to lie to you, I am slightly freaked out.

A year isn’t very long, in a year I will perhaps see him on 10 more occasions if I am lucky! Yes, we speak on the phone all of the time but I am sensible enough to know that that cannot constitute a “proper” relationship.  I need to be certain, yes, I feel pretty sure, but not certain.  They are asking that in a year I decide whether I will potentially down the line be giving up my whole life in England, (I don’t think leaving his parents is an option for him). I mentioned in a previous post, I always thought I was working on a timescale of approximately 3 years, and 3 years is long enough, if you’re not sure after 3 years you definitely shouldnt be carrying on. And ok ok, at this point we are only a few months into out relationship, exactly the reason why he is telling me not to think about it now as it is early days, but it still scares me!

He said that it has been a weight he has been carrying on his shoulders the whole time that he has known me, well now it is lifted off of him, it is sitting on me.

I know from their perspective a year is a very long time, this is a country where arranged marriage is prevent, that most of the time people marry virtual strangers in that situation. but that is not my county, not my culture.

I should probably mention that his parents are happy about our relationship, they have no issue with me, I guess they just need the security of knowing that their only son will definitely get married.

So what am I so scared about? I am scared that we might not reach some sort of agreement/compromise, leading to my biggest fear.. that he will end up becoming the one who got away… I hope not

So for now? I’m going to try my best to put it to the back of my mind and just enjoy what we have.

As he says.. “we’ll figure it out somehow honey”


5 responses to “one year

  • Mani Dhillon

    One year! Yeah it’s not long enough but according to your post time (Aug 26, 2011) you just have three months but my humble suggestion is that you don’t look at this like a deadline. Take this time to develop your relationship and forget about everything, if your relation is strong enough then time, culture, country, deadlines, nothing will matter and you both will get what you want, a life together.
    Believe me I’ve seen this. And if it is possible, update us on this matter.

    • ria

      That’s mani, wow, you’re right a yet is almost up – and it wasn’t long at all! Babu has stopped talking deadlines, I think it may be because he is more confident and secure in our relationship. He has realised that whatever happens there will be some pretty big decisions taken by either or both of us so all he asks of me now is that I think really hard about the future and make sure I’m sure of whatever happens, the funny thing is he knows I’m a big thinker so he really doesn’t need to remind me – were quite similar in that sense though!

      • Mani Dhillon

        Well, good luck to both of you then.
        And he is right in reminding you to think really hard about it, even if both of you settle in England it won’t be that easy. There are times when cultural differences make some things hard. So think and devise ways to overcome such situations and problems. I’ve seen another blogger Sharrel Cook write about being married to an Indian and all the experience but believe me that doesn’t come near what one will expect. The stronger your relation, the clear and honest you are to each other, the better things will work.

        • ria

          I know it will be hard, and I’m pretty sure it will be me making major adjustments in the long run should out relationship succeed. He would like to live in England, but it is ultimately his duty to his parents as the only son that will mean ultimately settling in India. I am keeping an open mind at the moment – I can hardly make judgements on things i have no knowldge of.

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