So yes, I may not have told my parents the whole truth about Babu, they know I am in contact with him but they do not know we are having a relationship.
First things first – why would I tell them about a relationship that is in early days and having to progress quite slowly due to geographical inconveniences anyway – maybe you are asking? I am a grown woman in my late 20s! Well I just happen to be a grown women in her 20’s who still lives at home with her parents, oh yes the joys of debts and ridiculous house prices makes this so!
The way I see it is that if I were living away from my parents like I probably should be at this age and in a normal relationship, I wouldn’t be dragging the poor man round to my parents house for dinner at the first opportunity! Yes, I suppose I might mention him to my parents but not in overt detail, these things take time to grow, so adding that extra pressure seems silly. This is why I haven’t mentioned it to my parents yet. I think maybe they have an idea – taking days off work to meet him at the port, spending hours together when he was back – they have asked the question and of course I have denied – because they worry.
I know they worry because my parents aren’t particularly well-traveled and the only exposure (as with myself) they have had to different cultures is mainly through the news and tv, which if we are talking about the news is often bad things! My mum asked me one day “so..what exactly is your relationship with Babu?” to which I responded “we’re friends, yes I like him a lot, but he is far away, so who knows what will happen” this is where she first expressed her worry. She mentioned that she would be scared for me if we were more than friends because they have honour killing in india. This thought had obviously stemmed from the recent killing of Anni Dewani for which there was an awful lot of media coverage. I explained to her that people kill each other in all cultures, there was an awful incident of a man killing his girlfriend and daughter not so long ago who didn’t live too far from us, these things unfortunately happen everywhere.
I am learning something new everyday about indian culture, and so much is new and different for me, I know that things I, perhaps, would find new and interesting would be difficult and scary for my parents, and this is not their fault, same as me a few months ago – they just don’t know, it is all a different world. I would like to think that once I get my head around that world a little more, only then will I be able to share the magic with them.
In the mean time I simply do not want them to worry unnecessarily. I need time with Babu for our relationship to grow – without any outside influence, I am scared of how our future will pan out – there are so many unknown quantities right now, but I can cope with that, I know my mum would only worry. I’m taking it one step at a time.
When the day does come that I tell them, I hope they understand why I took so long.