Christmas wishes

I’ll start by saying a belated happy Christmas and a slightly early happy new year!

So it’s that time of year when everybody gets a bit more friendly then normal – a bit more lovey – people who don’t usually hug are hugging me, and the ones who usually hug are dishing out kisses (on the cheek) too!

It’s the time of year for spreading colds! Haha. I spent a few days helping out at my old workplace in the run-up to Christmas, it was great to catch up with old friends, definitely made Christmas feel a little more Christmassy!

I spoke to babu a couple of days ago, he asked if I had “wished” anyone, it took a couple of minutes to establish what he meant but what he meant was had I wished anyone happy Christmas, like with the above aforementioned hugs and kisses. Now, hugging my friends is perfectly normal for me, male and female alike, it’s no big deal and it’s how we have greeted each other since I can remember, yet it appears to be more of an issue for Babu.

I’m not entirely sure if this is a culture thing or a babu thing? I know guys and girls don’t tend to mingle so unless they are family in India. So when babu asked if I had “wished” any boys, I casually answered yes as it’s normal for me to greet my friends that way- he wasn’t happy. In fact he told me not to hug any boys. He doesn’t like other people touching me.

Now this is where I have a bit of a problem. I don’t want to change the way I am because he says so, it doesn’t feel right to me, I’m not doing anything wrong after all, I don’t have any issue with him hugging anyone if he wanted to. However, in a way I can also understand his insecurities, that whilst he is thousands of miles away from me and can barely talk to me, there are other guys who get to touch me – even if it is only in a platonic fashion.

What to do? I don’t know, I can get by without hugging people, yeah, fine, but theres that fighting part of me that says “why should I?” when it doesn’t do any harm, and theres the part of me that worries “if I concede to this, what next?” don’t talk to your guy friends? Some of my best friends are guys – and the relationships are nothing more than brotherly! I’m over thinking and probably being paranoid – as is Babu in fact!!

Has anyone else come across this sort of thing?

Thank goodness we will be together in a week!


3 responses to “Christmas wishes

  • neth

    Hey Ria,

    I haved experienced this with my partner, i cant call him my indian guy his BP gets high everytime i will this lol. anyways, we are not far away to each other, we are in the same country though our working place is different. Ok, it goes like this, when we met i used to give high five to my collegues and friends, hold their arms sometimes if you need something and some other gestures which is no no to him. At first its ok, but when the months goes his starting to avoid this things. It is do really hard to adjust but in my case clear to us at first that i will embrace his culture, so i learned and accepted it, it is hard but it helps ria, especially if you really want this to work out.

    Good luck…

    • ria

      Hi Neth,

      Don’t Get me wrong, I try my very best to understand babu’s culture and fully respect it, but at the same time I expect the same back from him. I am never going to change myself completely because if you loose a sense of self what is the point!?

      I believe a relationship is the coming together of two people that makes a better whole. Like a team. Yes, we have a power struggle, at times he try’s to tell me what to do which can result in arguments, mainly through stubbornness on both sides – most of the time what he tells is what I would already do – the problem arises when he feels the need to say it – I don’t like being told what to do, yet in his culture it is his place to do that. I am a very independent woman so struggle with that, I do however believe we have reached an unspoken agreement on that subject.

      Ria x

  • Tim Rider

    next time tell babu that youre only hugging your mates, not kissing strange men Lol

    I donno, but Indian men assume the worst of western women sometimes haha

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