My question really is, is it demanding of me to want to earn a living, yet at the same time enjoy what I am doing?
The way I see it, I spend a very large proportion of my life at work , for me Monday – Friday is written off each week since with my commute, all there is time for is a quick snack, shower and bed before I do it all over again!
As you can imagine this leaves me deeply dissatisfied, not only do I have a job that prevents me from having any sort of life, I don’t enjoy it either! I just sort of ended up doing the degree I did (not my first choice by a stretch) then kind of fell into this job – it was with a company I was already working for and my degree and experience fitted. I earn a decent wage but i am so unhappy. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed this role for a little while, and life was a little easier as I was more accepting of the sacrifices I was making, but after a while i no longer felt challenged, then boredom and dissatisfaction crept in.
I know I don’t belong in my workplace, I’m not like the others there, I don’t have ambition to get to the top of the ladder. When I see people stressing so much about little insignificant things- I want to shake them and remind them the world won’t end if that barker telling the customer something or other can’t happen right now (no-one reads them anyway!), there is more to life! I don’t do JFDI’s, I’m not the sort of person to jump to attention because someone with an important title has asked for something on a whim which must happen tomorrow – I work in print – lets stop running around stressing ourselves trying to achieve the impossible!
That’s the thing, I see so many people around me stressed, making themselves Ill from it… Unfortunately including myself, I know something needs to change.
I don’t know exactly what I want to do, but I’m pretty sure it would involve something like the following…
Suggestions on a postcard? I think even doing all of the above would even make me so happy (maybe I could be a travelling baker who writes very pretty books ?!) however I’m stuck doing something more regular right now because of the silly debts I have – I guess it’s karma right?! Never have I felt so trapped in 4 walls as I do right now though! I am so very envious of the freelancers in the world, more so the ones who get to write for a living, I’m realistic enough to know that I’m no book author, but I’ve been told before I have an amusing tone to my writing, and hey…you’re reading this right?! Another frustrating thing for me is that people constantly tell me my baking is of a professional standard and ask why i don’t do that for a living- well, 2 dogs mean i cant hygiene certify my kitchen and don’t have the finances to pay someone to use theirs 😦 Game over on that idea!
Overall I guess what I’m looking for is a way out, like Freddie once sang “I WANT TO BREAK FREE” It’s not very fun living the wrong life . . . hopefully it isn’t for too long. . .
. . . *rant over*