I am starting to feel really anxious. A couple of days back Babu phoned me saying he had some bad news and good news, as it turned out, what he thought was good news was actually bad news for me as well!
I was already starting to freak out a little at the ever-forward-creaping date of his return to India, but adding his additional “news” onto the mix has sent me into a bit of a stressed out anxious wreck!
So, it went a bit like this 1) He didn’t get his referral for promotion – very crap, he’s very good at his job however it seems that it required additional ass-kissing on top of the hard work in order to get the referral, which, like myself he is not a believer in (the ass-kissing that is), however next contract i think he might have to become a little more aquainted with some bottoms!
2) They’ve not given him his full 3 months leave! – after them giving him an unexpected 5 months last time around, and his leave actually to be predicted at 4 months this time, they’ve given him 2 and a bit – “well this is a good thing for you two” you’re probably thinking – no, this leads us to number 3..
3) Since he now has so little leave, and he is already spending the first 10 days of it in the UK with me, now there isn’t enought time for me to come to India this year.
I’M NOT COMING TO INDIA!!???
Gutted does not evern begin to explain how I am feeing about this, not only two days before I had finalised my itinerary, decided which flight to catch, started my visa application and booked into the nurse for my vaccinations, then this bomb drops. Honestly, and on a non-selfish note, I do understand. He hasn’t seen his family for 9 months, he needs to spend time with them – he has a new brother-in-law he has not met yet, he must visit his other sister in a different city, he needs to go and renew visa’s, medical certificates etc etc, and if i came to India for 15 days thats almost 50% of his leave spent away from his family, so I do undertand, but I am also SO upset.
This trip meant the world to me, for it would be the first time we could spend time together in his world, a world that I find so interesting and am simply itching to go and explore, also a world that could one day become my home. I considered going for a week, but I’m still not sure he would agree to it, and financially it doesn’t make sense paying all that money for the flight for a week only.
I’m the sort of person who needs a mid-term goal to focus on, and India was it, now, well, theres nothing, so I guess that has helped to put me in my current state of unease.
And the bad/good news: 4) he is changing ships when he comes back. This was a complete curve ball for me, and I’m still trying to work through why I’m finding this such a problem. I kind of know – one main reason is that where he would have based in and out of this country for just over a month after returning if he had stayed where he is, he is now (once again) flying straight out to the Caribbean, So now, where I originally would have visited him in October, and he would have returned late November to the UK, then gone to the Caribbean late December, he now leaves me in August, and unless I or He can pull a Caribbean cruise out of the bag, we won’t see each other until MARCH!!!! MARCH, what was originally not seeing each other 1-2 months here and there could now potentially be 7! This is gonna be a massive reminder of how crap long distance can be, only thing I can say really is that surviving this surely makes us a strong couple right?
The other thing, well, not such a big deal but still, it’s silly, I’m going to really miss that ship. It was the place I started my new life after my ex, it was where I met Babu, and the place I have had so many happy times and amazing memories. not to mention the people I have met and got to know on there. The last time I left I just said bye to people like I’d see them again soon, but in reality, I will probably never see them again, and I’m sad about that too.
Him moving could be a good thing, he might getter a better chance for promotion, the itinerary is a little better for visiting when he is back next year, he might even be a little happier surrounding himself with new people, change is good, it’s just scary as well – and that’s only human I suppose. Nevertheless, I will miss the place that has become my second home.
So, a lot of stuff for me to digest at once and a little reminder of the troubles of a long-distance relationship. My mum asked me last night why I can’t just have a simple life, well . . it’s not that simple is it! You don’t choose who you fall in love with and for as long as our bond stretches across this planet, I will do everything I can to keep it strong. Things happen for a reason and our paths are chosen for us, I still believe my path will take me to India, and although this would have seemed so crazy to me a couple of years ago, now, it just seems right. Yes, someone, something, God maybe, is testing me, us, right now, but won’t it be great if we come out of the other side? I’ve been through some crap in my life, but honestly would never change it as it has made me who I am today.
Bit of a ranty post again, but it makes me feel a little bit better by sharing, and hopefully helping others in the same sort of situation know they aren’t alone.