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Parental pressure

'Parents' photo (c) 2009, Harsha K R - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

Yesterday Babu messages me saying is dad wants to talk to me. Whhhhhhaaaatttt?

I’m good on the phone with strangers when it comes to business, but anything else is a whole other story!! Thankfully he didn’t put him on the phone, but he did tell me what he wants. He want to know (now) if we will be getting Married next year or not, so he can start looking for a bride if he needs to.

NEXT YEAR!!! No! I am not marrying him and committing to a life in his country only a few days after stepping foot on Indian soil next year, no way! I need to go there first, it won’t change how I feel about him, but India is harsh and I might not be tough enough to handle her! I have to be sensible, and I cannot commit to something until I am 100% comfortable with it. When I was 21 I was with boy who treated me bad, I wanted out, but I was too scared to stand up for myself, instead I moved out with him and made things a whole lot worse, it was awful, from that I learnt NEVER to do something unless you are completely comfortable with it.

I told him that next year we can get engaged, and should we do that I will marry him the following year, engagement as far as I am concerned is a commitment to marry so that should be enough reassurance for his dad hopefully?

Well, that was a day ago and it was only touched upon in passing, but i think the general answer was no! Another loggerhead situation then! I wander what will happen….maybe I should talk to Babu Snr myself after all?!

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4 responses to “Parental pressure

  • American Punjaban

    Ha! My FIL tried to marry me to his son on my first visit to India too. He was dead sure we were going to get married on my first visit there because I had come so far. I put my foot down too and told him no (besides I promised my daddy I wouldn’t get married then lol). It worked. FIL accepted that and patiently waited. But the first word about me coming back and that man was bouncing around like he had nothing else to do but plan a wedding. He took off work and concentrated on planning the whole thing by himself. He even packed all the invitation cards himself because the printers couldn’t do it fast enough. He had our ceremonies starting just 2 days after I got there and our wedding was 7 days after I landed. Lol. Good memories but scary indeed!

    • ria

      Haha, so glad you told me that, makes me feel much better! It doesn’t help that earlier on in the year when they were getting horoscopes done for his sister and husband (to-be at the time), they questioned our marriage and were told we would marry next year as well!

      In a way it is really nice that they approve and want me in their family, I’m very appreciative of that, but on the flip side . .jeeez…just give me a little time!

  • Sonia

    Please do not take my comment to be a criticism but am i the only person that finds it disturbing for babu to say that he needs to start looking for a bride if ur not going to marry him next year?
    Would u maintain a relationship with him in that situation? Im just asking because i have experienced that

    • ria

      Maybe I didn’t phrase that right, what I actually mean is that his parents are keen for him to marry and should I not want to marry him, his dad wants to start the ball rolling for an arranged marriage for him. They found arranging his elder sisters marriage tremendously difficult over the past few years and I guess they are trying to be cautious in case they find themselves in a similar situation.

      But at the same time yes, I do see your point of view, I haven’t actually posed the question to him as to what would happen if I choose not to marry him next year, but wanted to marry him later – I will, and I know I need to, I’ve been quite I’ll lately though so haven’t been prepared for the inevitable drama that will come with that!

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