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10 Days

Babu enjoying a "99" in the New Forest

As I already mentioned, a couple of weeks ago, Babu came to stay!

He came for 10 days, we spent 2 days in London, 3 days in Cardiff and the rest of the time at my (well…my parents’) house here in the beautiful New Forest. It is the first time we have ever been in each others company for such a long period of time without and work interruptions. How did it go?….well……

We had a great time in London, Babu had already been before and seen most the sights, ironically I hadn’t! So we wandered around taking all the typical tourist sights; Big Ben, Leicester Square, Tower Bridge, Buckingham Palace etc etc, we also enjoyed tracking down a few of the olympic and Paralympic mascot statues that are dotted around at the moment. I drove to Cardiff And we enjoyed our time there shopping, walking around and eating, oh boy in those 10 days we did a lot of eating! Walking locally and in the forest we enjoyed ice creams and stopped at every bush to pick and eat blackberries, overall the time we spent was full and enjoyable! I’ve never been with anyone so willing to get out the and do stuff, I really liked that!

 

Royal horse guards

Royal horse guards on their way to Buckingham Palace

 

Unfortunately whilst we were away enjoying ourselves, there was something brewing back at home. On the second night Babu was here, I was inside cooking up some dinner whilst he was sat outside chatting with my parents, he is great at making an effort with them which I really appreciated. He comes in and says with a coy, child like look about him, that he is worried he has upset my parents. I asked why and he said he had been telling about the future and how he would like me to move to India, this is nothing new to my parents, I’ve always put it out there as a possibility so I shrugged it off thinking he was being paranoid, and the next day off we went on our galavanting! There was one night at home in-between the two trips away, we were only around late evening, my parents seemed a little odd, but honestly with the way they were acting I just thought they ha fallen out with each other and that’s why they were a bit quiet, so off we went again for a few more days!

When we came back again things seemed strained, Babu was still making an effort with them but on one occasion he said that he felt that when he was trying to talk to my mum that she was trying to get rid of him. Those last few days he was here my parents, in particular my mum, were clearly avoiding us. Babu was due to fly back on the Monday and it was the Sunday morning it all kicked off! It was about 11 and Babu was still in bed, I didn’t mind as he’d still be recovering from 9 months without a day off, but I went up to see him then came back down and jokingly grumbled to my mum that it’s a pain to get him out of bed…she literally exploded.

“He’s like your ex, he’s avoiding us, he doesn’t talk to us, why is he in the UK but eating Indian food, he’s not good enough for you, why did he shove his culture down out throats, we don’t want you to move to India”

Woah woah woah there!!! We’d been away and when we had been back I saw him making an effort with my own eyes, seriously? I asked if he had been nasty, was a bad man, had hurt me? No, she answered, “I just imagined better for you, like a nice English husband, live in a nice little house a few minutes down the road, have a couple of kids” “I don’t want you to go to India” I’ve not even officially made any sort of plans to go yet!!!

Unfortunately from my perspective I handled this badly, I went straight up the stairs any cried all over babu, if I didn’t talk to him I would have just felt so alone. Needless to say the last day wasn’t fab, my parents were out from lunchtime to late evening avoiding us, and I was just left feeling deeply uncomfortable with the fact that after everything, I felt like I was being told to choose. There was such a horrible stench hanging in the air that left our last day together a virtual disaster.

Monday, he was polite enough to talk to my parents, shake their hands and thank them before we left. I dropped him off at the airport, and when I got back I returned to a note from him, to put it in short he was thanking me for all of our time together, past tense. I’ve still not had the guts to ask him about it, to be honest I just want to forget those few days forever, but honestly, at that point of writing it, I think with everything that was going on, he was giving me an easy way out, should I choose to take it, which in my opinion, makes him a very respectable man.

I spoke to my mum after getting back from the airport, by which time the tone had changed, it was too late though, the damage was done. She said that he is a really nice boy, nothing wrong with him apart from he fact he is from india! It was that she was scared of loosing me, fine, but it felt like a really personal attack, which still hurts me now. Even more frustrating is that when babu told me about cancelling India he suggested maybe cancelling this week instead, the only reason I said to keep it was that it was all arranged already, only now did mum tell me that she wasn’t happy with him coming since she found out we are more than friends. She didn’t tell me this until after! I could have cancelled this, avoided this, and seen India which I want to do so badly! If only she said.

Honestly, yes, Those days did make me realise that life with him will present his challenges, he perhaps expects a little more of me than I am sometimes willing to give, being headstrong only results in me being challenging, but in balance, we laugh together, we have fun together, we cook together, we relax together, i really enjoy his company. He is telling me “in India this, In india That” knowing how he over thinks and how how he can be prone to a touch of exaggeration, the only way i know i will understand is by visiting, which I will now have to wait another year for. Ultimately though, The choice of where my future lies is not his, not my parents, but mine and mine alone.

With the support of many a new friend I am arming myself with the knowledge, and the questions I need to ask, the things I need to know, and only then will i make that decision.

Wish me luck on this rocky and very confusing path!

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5 responses to “10 Days

  • American Punjaban

    This is a really great post with a lot of emotion. Thank you for sharing. You deserve a big hug for all you’ve been through. I’m sure this is hard on your mom and maybe you need to remind her that she won’t be losing you if you move to India. You’re not leaving her. All parents have a hard time letting go of their children but it happens to every parent out there at some point.

    As for babu, there’s always that possibility that he will go back to India and realize it’s no longer the place he wants to live. The future is never certain. I know he’s saying now that is what he wants and maybe you will go permanently. There’s a certain allure to not being certain and knowing you can come back. Your mom may need to know that. She should also know you will visit often and remind her how much she means to you.

    I’m glad you two had a great week together before the last day. It sounds like babu has some very deep emotions towards you and you got a beautiful chance to see and experience that. It also sounds like this time gave you quite a bit of clarity and I know you needed that. Try to remember the good days. My mom had some similar fears and they are hard to deal with. Once my mom started to realize just how good my husband treated me she calmed down a lot. It wasn’t easy for her though. Hang in there, things will get better.

    • ria

      Thank you 🙂 Oh a hug would be great right now, thankfully our dogs are pretty good for that!

      See, for Babu, I’m 90% sure he would prefer to live in the UK anytime, however, over anything, his obligation towards his parents is his priority. I really admire how grateful he is towards them for the sacrifices they made to pay for his education etc, but at the same time I sometimes feel it is a little much. He is effectively living his life for them, and not himself, which doesn’t make so much sense to me! By all means there’s nothing wrong with being selfless, but it almost feels like you’d always be living life for the generation before you!

      To say the whole situation is doing my head in is an understatement, just feels like I can’t live with him, but can’t live without him….if he suddenly decided to emigrate to the UK, oh boy would all my worries disappear!! I’d even be happy to move to India for a few years, I’d just want to know that it doesn’t necessarily have to be forever so there would always be a back up plan if I hated it.

      *sigh*

  • Sharell

    Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear about this turmoil. If there’s any advice I can give you it’s not to think too far ahead. Time and experience tend to take care of everything, and reveal the right path to go in. Life has a way of falling into place, often in ways in which we don’t expect or can’t envisage. I do hope that you get to visit India as it may also give you some insights into how you feel about possibly living there one day. Big hugs. xx

    • ria

      Thanks 🙂 yeah, I’m quite happy not planning too far ahead but I think he has other ideas! I agree, I think our path is already decided to a certain degree and even now I can see why a lot of things in my past happened in order to influence my future. And Mumbai here I come… Flying next Thursday!! X

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