Canvassing opinion

Whilst away I met lots of new people and the conversation almost always turned to if I was travelling alone.  I would explain that Babu is crew, which would then go onto the logistics of not only being in a long distance relationship but also about cultural difference.

I must have had this conversation at least 15 times over the 2 weeks with many different people, it was nice to get other peoples points of view, from different people of different ages who had different lives.

Some people warned me to take caution, furnished me with horror stories about a friend, or a daughter who has married out of their culture and the difficulties they have encountered.  Cultural differences, visa refusals etc.

Other people said I should go for it, be brave, follow my heart in to this great unknown, or live only with regret.

My main reason for discussing this with others openly was the parent issue.  Many of my fellow travelers were a similar age to my parents could be of an age to be my grandparents. Our future is a little unknown how it will pan out, but ultimately it will end with us living in India, which for my parents is a massive, no, gigantic issue.  And I completely understand, I am their only child, and me leaving wasn’t in their plans.

I met a couple who had in fact met working on cruise ships many years ago, the lady was Australian and the man British, and she moved to the UK to be with him, and has since had very few visits home and whose mother had never visited here.  It struck a chord. but ultimately she did what was right for her and is happy with her decision.

Many also told me that since I am an only child there is no way I could ever make it easy for my parents.  One couple told me they had 2 kids, one had emigrated to Canada, but it was great since they could holiday there, and besides , they still had a “spare”, I however don’t have the benefit of the sibling spare, so all onus remains on me.

I met another lady who was extremely encouraging, she was about the same age as my mum but was a widow.  She said that it is my life I need to live, and it wouldn’t mean I love my parents any less if I leave, I need to make my own decisions.  Prior to meeting her I had met a lot of negativity, then we met, and we sat talking all evening, slightly rudely to the exclusion of everyone else on our table in fact, I found her so refreshing.

What struck me after, is that I had in a way, kept having this conversation over and over until I heard from someone what I wanted to hear! And that actually, in my heart of hearts I know what I am going to do, but I just wanted to hear someone else say it too, I guess it’s just the human need for acceptance and approval maybe.

On my last day I met two ladies who travel together, best friends, growing disgracefully old and I admired them tremendously! they told me of their travels and escapades, and again, reminded me to live life to the full.

So that’s what I’m going to do, live life to the full and follow my heart.  In our situation solid plans are hard to make, but planning for us to be a partnership is enough for now.  my short term plan is to pay off my debts and save some money, only then when I have financial freedom to move on anyhow.  why worry, worrying doesn’t help anything!


2 responses to “Canvassing opinion

  • Martina

    You say you will ultimately live in India. Have you ever visited India?? have you stayed there long term, and tried to live a normal day to day, non-tourist life? if you have not, then do NOT make that kind of commitment yet to your significant other. He will tell you that India is this wonderful paradise on earth. It is very difficult for a western woman to live there. You must make hundreds of compromises, and it never gets better, only more frustrating. Trust me, I know from experience.

    • ria

      I have visited India and will be again the end of the year. And no, I can’t stay long term since my job and debts won’t allow that, sometimes we have to take risks in life. And yes, I understand it doesn’t work for lots of people, but this is still a long way off and I want to at least give it a try, if it doesn’t work out we will have to make a plan b. I am aware of the many negative and unsuccessful stories, but also I some positive ones too.

      We talk about it a lot, and believe me I am under no disillusionment about India. And no, he doesn’t present it in a shining light – he is not the biggest fan of his country either, I’m not walking into this blind, but sometimes I think it may be easier if I were!

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