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Back from my hiding hole

Hello… I’m a bad blogger… I have become horrendous at posting! There’s 2 reasons really… 1 being that there’s not much going on, or the other being that there’s too much going on! You see I don’t really see the point of babbling on when there’s nothing to say, you can most usually take my silence as meaning that everything is just fine over here!

There is one thing I have yet to speak about however since it was a bit raw, but now I’m just taking life as it comes and trying not to worry about something that hasn’t happened and might still not happen.
….It’s becoming more and more likely that when Babu finishes his contract this year that he may not return to the ships. This was always going to happen eventually, but we had always thought it’d be at least 1-2 more years.
This is kind of a big deal, we rely on his ins and outs of the local port in order to see each other… But he’s just not sure it’s working out for him anymore and increasingly when I am spending time in that environment with him I am seeing that it is making him really unhappy.
In previous years he has looked for jobs in India, but never this seriously. If he finds a job he will stay at home, if not he will carry on and return to the ships.
Yup, it absolutely kills me the thought that he might not come back again at the end of the year, but that is on a purely selfish note.  I can see he is unhappy, things aren’t working out for him as far as career progression is concerned either – and I understand that, since I have recently found myself in the same situation, personally all I want is to escape my job and move on to something new – so why should he not be allowed to feel that way too when he has faced this same disappointment for 2 years already.
In his mind he wants to get to India, establish himself in a career so that in a couple of years when I join him that he can support me if he needs to. He’s thinking of the future.  But my worry is that if we have to conduct our relationship over the phone for that time, will it work, will we cope,  will there still be a future for us?
He knows the grass won’t be greener, that he will earn less money and that it’s going to be some major hard graft, so it’s not some crazy pipe dream either.
So where does this leave me? Leave us? Well, is there any point making plans for something that is so uncertain? not really, there’s no point worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet. For me, yes, I want him to come back another year at least – he has applied to move to a different ship and if that is approved, I see that as an opportunity for a fresh start for him that will hopefully please us both for the short term at least.
I’m going to try my best to get blogging again, I let life get in the way and unfortunately my work is taking up too much of my time; I can’t do much about that as I still have to work, I still have to commute, but I need to make a much better effort to make the most of the time I do have. There’s lots I need to do, and more positive changes I want to make in my life so now it’s time to take action.
I will update you all on our adventures this year, our future plans and all the other stuff soon, i promise!
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2 responses to “Back from my hiding hole

  • Manpreet Singh Dhillon

    Bad blogging aside, I like you both from your post because I can relate to you. I can just say best of luck to Babu’s new job hunt, I wish he get the best, better I hope he can get a better position on another ship so you two can meet easily.

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