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Misplaced Loyalty Toward Hurtful Parents

Misplaced Loyalty Toward Hurtful Parents.

The above article has helped me in my understanding of the situation.

Sadly Babu has decided he has to do whatever it takes to ensure his parents are happy. His parents who have abused him, threatened his life, and locked him away without food for days on end. It’s hard to swallow, and extremely difficult to understand, however before judging, please read this article – by identifying this as an abusive situation, and the relationship a victim has with their abuser, it is easier to fathom, yet never acceptable.

I have left him with a folder of information, contacts, and this article, there’s sadly not much more I can for him. I can’t cut him off, I love him a lot, and him me, but for now it is best for both of us that we keep a degree of distance.

I turned 30 this week, I’m not exactly where I thought I would be in life right now, but what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger?

And if you’re reading this, thanks for coming back after the blog being switched off for a while, I hope you can understand my reasons for having to do that.

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2 responses to “Misplaced Loyalty Toward Hurtful Parents

  • Mizhi

    I am really not sure if I should write this comment or not, so please do feel free to delete it.
    However I do find parallels with women (and for lesser percentage men) in abusive partner relationships. Often victims are told just to pack up their stuff and leave. In fact the question why doesn’t she just leave him? Is tossed around so often it’s become a cliche. Thing is it is not that simple. Abuse messes with your head, your self esteem and how you see the situation. There are statistics that show that most abuse victims will more likely leave the relationship after abuse has escalated to physical abuse ( beatings). However if the abuse simply remains non physical, chances of leaving are slim.
    However partner relationships are supposed to be relationships of equal partners ( ideally). This isn’t the case in the parent-child relationship the parents are always the ones in power and control, so if they are misusing this power children have even less leverage then an abused partner. Plus children develop several coping and protection mechanisms growing up in this toxic environment, that it becomes part of their identity and ingrained into them. So dealing with this later as an adult and putting it into perspective may well trigger a full blown melt down , identity crisis or something of that sort. And dealing with all the feelings that will arise on your own is probably not a good idea. So a therapist or so would be good , but most likely the family will not allow such a thing in his case.
    If you are interested, you can google eden strong I divorced my family and read an article about someone who did in fact cut ties with her abusive family. It doesn’t sound like it was easy though and it seems like it took her (abusive) ex husband walking out on her and her kids to realise, her family was toxic to her kids. Though eden is an american, she still gets people questioning her decision. Now imagine that in indian culture which stresses respect to elders and family much more then american culture, which is more laissez fairs and informal.
    Divorcing your family, it’s pretty heavy stuff and sure ain’t easy.

  • Manpreet Singh Dhillon

    I am so sorry to hear about this Ria.
    I just came back to check the blog and read this. I hope you are handling it well.
    I know parents in India can be like this sometimes but going to such degree and that also in urban areas, very rare. Still am very sorry.

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