Category Archives: Uncategorized is moving

In July this site will be 5 years old. A lot has happened in that time, and my life is now very different, and a lot of what has happened is very much in the past.

I’ve not posted too much recently as there’s not a great deal to say any more, which is why I’ve chosen not to renew the domain this time around.

The blog will stil be here as it is still getting visitors and I hope that my experiences may bring help to others going though the same, I may also have things to add as tie goes on, however I can’t justify the money for the URL.

So as of June, this blog will live at:

Bookmark it in case you’de like to come back some time.

Take care everyone



The end….

So here it is.  The end of our story.  as I write this he is on a flight back to India.  He’s gone. Forever. 

…the end…. 

Is Goodness Perceived as Weakness?

Brilliant, thought-provoking piece, I can relate to so much of this. I guess this was the breaking point for us, I am all for strength, empowerment, and doing what is right an moral, but for my western background this is quite normal. ‘Indian men who are considered good tend to remain unassertive in their personal lives and cannot say ‘no’ to domineering parents’ – Nail hit on the head there.

‘Goodness is not meekness. Strength is not meanness. It is much harder to remain honest and true to oneself than it is to “go with the flow” and lose our identities. It is much harder to remain fair even to our enemies than it is to paint them in an unflattering light.’

The Life and Times of an Indian Homemaker

Guest post by wordssetmefreee

Is goodness seen as weakness in our culture?

What are some ways in which ‘goodness’ is displayed in our culture?

A woman is ‘good’ when she

  • seldom disagrees
  • fits in with society’s norms
  • respects the wishes of those who feel they know better than her, what is good for her (parents, in-laws, husband)
  • keeps the peace, maintains the status quo rather than tell others they are wrong

In all of the above, ‘goodness’ is seen as meekness and compliance. There is nothing surprising about this interpretation of goodness in women, as our culture (like many other cultures around the world) tends to be sexist.

But, when we look at goodness in men (since they are more free of sexist expectations), it becomes more interesting.

How is goodness perceived in men? Who qualifies as a “good man” and is goodness a quality that is admired in men?

View original post 1,187 more words

A hard pill to swallow.

And so after all the shouting and  screaming and crying, and a couple of days apart,  we met up and had sensible talks. 

He said it would be best for both of us if we cease any contact for a couple of months,  to try and get used to the situation,  to help me move on….

…That lasted no more than a few hours…. His reason? He ‘couldn’t help himself’  then again a few hours later,  and pretty much every time he has had any sort of Internet signal since….perhaps even more than back when things were ok and normal with us.  But why? He made his choice. 

His mind is still made up,  he has read the things I gave him and his life is still ‘taking care of his family’  he will ‘stay a victim and in misery for their happiness’ he ‘can’t help it,  it has been taught from childhood’ … His words.
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….six months later

So pretty much 6 months to the day since I left him at the airport in London, we saw each other again.

I waited a very long time for him to come out, there had been a special event that evening and he was working so late, there is a very special VIP coming in a few days so the pressure is on right now. But eventually he came and we sat in my car outside the terminal.

So much has happened in those six months.

I didn’t know if things felt the same or completely different. I was looking at him, scanning his face, trying to figure it out, trying to figure if he is the same man or if all this has changed him – I don’t even know the answer to this question if I made it about myself so there’s not a chance I could figure it out for him.

…he wouldn’t discuss anything, I sat there and cried, he told me not to, tonight is apparently the night for talking. And for the rest of the time we sat and chatted about anything else, but there was certainly an elephant in the car.

The thing is, if he makes the choice not to fight this, I can’t remain in his life – for my own health and sanity – but right now, I am completely sure that neither of us would be ready to let go, so I pray he has that fight in him.

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