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A hard pill to swallow.

And so after all the shouting and  screaming and crying, and a couple of days apart,  we met up and had sensible talks. 

He said it would be best for both of us if we cease any contact for a couple of months,  to try and get used to the situation,  to help me move on….

…That lasted no more than a few hours…. His reason? He ‘couldn’t help himself’  then again a few hours later,  and pretty much every time he has had any sort of Internet signal since….perhaps even more than back when things were ok and normal with us.  But why? He made his choice. 

His mind is still made up,  he has read the things I gave him and his life is still ‘taking care of his family’  he will ‘stay a victim and in misery for their happiness’ he ‘can’t help it,  it has been taught from childhood’ … His words.
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Misplaced Loyalty Toward Hurtful Parents

Misplaced Loyalty Toward Hurtful Parents.

The above article has helped me in my understanding of the situation.

Sadly Babu has decided he has to do whatever it takes to ensure his parents are happy. His parents who have abused him, threatened his life, and locked him away without food for days on end. It’s hard to swallow, and extremely difficult to understand, however before judging, please read this article – by identifying this as an abusive situation, and the relationship a victim has with their abuser, it is easier to fathom, yet never acceptable.

I have left him with a folder of information, contacts, and this article, there’s sadly not much more I can for him. I can’t cut him off, I love him a lot, and him me, but for now it is best for both of us that we keep a degree of distance.

I turned 30 this week, I’m not exactly where I thought I would be in life right now, but what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger?

And if you’re reading this, thanks for coming back after the blog being switched off for a while, I hope you can understand my reasons for having to do that.


….six months later

So pretty much 6 months to the day since I left him at the airport in London, we saw each other again.

I waited a very long time for him to come out, there had been a special event that evening and he was working so late, there is a very special VIP coming in a few days so the pressure is on right now. But eventually he came and we sat in my car outside the terminal.

So much has happened in those six months.

I didn’t know if things felt the same or completely different. I was looking at him, scanning his face, trying to figure it out, trying to figure if he is the same man or if all this has changed him – I don’t even know the answer to this question if I made it about myself so there’s not a chance I could figure it out for him.

…he wouldn’t discuss anything, I sat there and cried, he told me not to, tonight is apparently the night for talking. And for the rest of the time we sat and chatted about anything else, but there was certainly an elephant in the car.

The thing is, if he makes the choice not to fight this, I can’t remain in his life – for my own health and sanity – but right now, I am completely sure that neither of us would be ready to let go, so I pray he has that fight in him.


…a girl

I spoke to babu this morning, there is only just over a week before he leaves to go back to work, anyway, his family were at a wedding – one of his best friends – why he wasn’t there I have no idea, anyway I digress, but I could hear he wasn’t alone – his niece was there.

She’s 2, I met her when I was there, cute girl, anyway, I then asked if he is changing nappies, which of course, they’re alone together, so he is – funny I didn’t think men did that, but hey, after everything I don’t think he is considered the man of the house, the king, anymore. But then I asked where his sister is – of course she has gone back to work. OK, so why is the baby not with the in-laws I ask…

…Because she is a girl.

Wow.

After so many years of trying to embrace and learn about his culture, the past few months have done so much for me to be repelled by it.

That is simply disgusting,


The truth

Today I finally got the truth.

Truth that for me healed the thing that hurt me most, but opened a bigger can of worms.

Today I also took this blog offline, I really hope that won’t be forever which is why I am still writing this in the hope it will be seen some day, but soon you will understand my reasons.

After venting all my feelings, sadness, hatred, everything every time we talked (which is very rare of late) he came out with it. It was do or die, literally, they threatened his life if he didn’t marry her.

And then… well… still no way out, it seems he has been told, if he makes a wrong move when he is in the UK – yes they have that covered too – they will kill his sister – because she was supporting us (I didn’t know) and her husband is on the side of his parents.

Right now he feels he can’t escape and for him to live miserably is better than him being ‘responsible’ for the death of his loved ones.

I of course see a way out, there’s people who can help, lots of people I see, I would do what it takes, but he is SO scared people will die ‘because of him’ it’s sick.

And so, these things you only see on TV and read in the magazines, they are real, and happen to real people… like me….like him.

Pray for us. more so, pray for him, and his sister.


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